Get a Life Sports
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League and Ownership
The Get a Life Football League is called "the league" throughout these Rules & Regulations.

There are three Get a Life Football Leagues: Bakersfield, Big Bear, and San Diego. The rules for all three leagues are the same, unless indicated otherwise.

Each league consists of 12 teams. Teams cannot use a name currently being used by any professional sports team, or any Get a Life Baseball League team. Really stupid team names are not allowed.

The league is divided into two divisions of six teams each. Divisions will be named by the returning Division Champions, after honorable football men (players must be retired).

Anybody approved by the Commissioner can be an owner of a team. Dumbshits cannot own teams. There is no limit to the number of owners that a team can have. Unless the Commissioner is told otherwise in advance, it is assumed that any owner listed for a team is authorized to perform any functions for that team.

Ownership in more than one league is legal, but ownership of more than one team in a league is not permitted.

All franchises are part of the league and can not be sold. If an owner or ownership group decides they no longer want to be part of the league, that franchise reverts to the league and the Commissioner will seek new ownership.

If an owner disappears during the season, his team may be considered an "abandoned team." The Commissioner will attempt to find new ownership for the abandoned team, or may appoint an owner from one of the other leagues to act as interim owner for the remainder of the season. Any money won by an abandoned team is split equally among all remaining teams in the league. Any owner that abandons a team will be banned for life from all Get a Life Sports leagues, as it will be obvious that they are unreliable idiots.
All functions of the league are handled by the Commissioner in conjunction with CBS Sports, unless delegated to another individual.

The Commissioner will attempt to resolve any disputes that arise. If the dispute cannot be resolved to the satisfaction of all parties involved, the matter is put to a vote of all league owners. The result of this vote is binding.

The office of the Commissioner is not voted upon, but is occupied by an unimpeachable tyrant. Term of office is forever, or until the Commissioner loses interest. Prior to each season the Commissioner appoints a Deputy Commissioner. The Deputy Commissioner assumes the duties of the Commissioner only if necessary.

The wisdom of the Commissioner will never be in question.
Each team MUST pay $200 by draft day. Teams will not be allowed to do any transactions until this amount is paid.

Transaction Fees
  • Franchise Fee: $200
  • Fines: various amounts as described below
Schedule and locations for the 2019 GLFL Drafts:
  • San Diego: Tuesday, September 3 at 6:00 (online)
  • Big Bear: Wednesday, September 4 at 6:00 (Rob's house on Castlewood)
  • Bakersfield: Saturday, September 7 at noon (location to be announced)
Draft order is set prior to the season by random drawing.

Prior to the draft the two defending Division Champions will select teams to fill their divisions. Picks will alternate, with the Division Champion having the best record the previous season picking first.

When the draft begins, team owners select players, in turn, until all teams have a legal roster plus five reserves (a total of 14 players). Players at any position can be drafted at any time, so long as there is an open roster spot for that player.

The Commissioner announces the name of the team that is on the clock, and that team has one minute to make their pick. If the team does not pick within that minute, they are passed. After the next team has picked, the Commissioner gives the passed team one more opportunity to make an immediate pick. If there is still no pick, that pick is passed until the end of the draft.

Some drafts may take place after the first game of the NFL season has been played. In such drafts, any player taken as the first QB, first RB, first WR, first TE, first K, or first DST, must be started the first week. Any other drafted players may either be started or benched, it's up to the team owner.

NOAH RULE: Teams must announce the player's name, team, and position in a clear voice at sufficient volume to avoid having to incessantly repeat the information.

RUSS RULE: If a team drafts a retired, injured, cut, or dead player, they are stuck with that player and may not retract the pick after learning the awful truth about their boneheaded choice. They immediately receive The Bone and should expect to catch some crap. If a team drafts a player that they do not have a space for and it is not caught during the draft, they will receive a retroactive Bone. All Bone Fines are $5.

DREW RULE: Owners cannot mention undrafted players, and owners cannot ask other owners if a player has been taken. Violations of this rule results in a $2 fine per incident.

PAUL RULE: No cell phone use during the draft in the draft area or within such a distance that it annoys the Commissioner. If an owner must confer with a co-owner, or if they need to take care of some business, they must do so during breaks or leave the draft area. Illegal cell phone use results in a $5 fine per incident.
Teams can take up to three players from their off season roster into the draft.

For each of those players they forfeit the draft pick two rounds lower than the pick used to take them the previous season. If two keepers were taken in the same round the previous season, then the next lowest pick is forfeited. EXAMPLE: Two keepers were taken in the 10th round the previous season, so the 7th and 8th picks are forfeited.

Keepers can be traded in the week between the naming of keepers and the draft, but no team may have more than three keepers after the completion of a trade.

Keepers can only be released if the player is placed on IR or PUP after the deadline for keepers, but before draft day. The player must be released before the draft.

If your draft is being held after the first game of the season and you have any keepers in that game, you must declare in advance whether or not your keepers will be in your starting lineup for the first week.

Players taken in previous draft in the first two rounds, as well as players drafted while on the IR, PUP, or players suspended by the league are not eligible to be kept.
Points are scored as follows:
  • Touchdown run or reception (6)
  • Touchdown pass (4)
  • Field goal (3)
  • Conversion run or catch (2)
  • Conversion kick or pass (1)
  • Defensive/Special Teams touchdown on a returned fumble, interception, or blocked kick or punt (6)
  • Defensive/Special Teams safety, sack, turnover, or blocked kick/punt (2)
Any player can score in any fashion.

Quarterbacks are awarded one bonus point for reaching 250 combined yards (passing + rushing + receiving), and a point for every additional 50 yards.

Running backs, Wide Receivers, Tight Ends, and Flex players are awarded one bonus point for reaching 50 combined yards (passing + rushing + receiving), and a point for every additional 25 yards.

All players are awarded two bonus points for reaching 100 kickoff return yards, and a point for every additional 50 yards.

All players are awarded two bonus points for reaching 75 punt return yards, and a point for every additional 50 yards.

The official source of stats for purposes of scorekeeping is CBS Sports. If disputes occur in scoring, the Commissioner must be notified as soon as possible. The Commissioner will investigate the discrepancy and adjust the score if necessary. Any disputes regarding scoring must be resolved before the beginning of the next week's games. Scores will not be corrected after that point.

All points scored by players in the starting lineup and their performance bonus points are combined to reach a team score. The team with the higher score is declared the winner of the game.

All games can end in a tie except for games in Week 16. The tie is broken using these tiebreakers in order until one of the teams enjoys an advantage:
  1. Higher total score for active players for the season (previous 15 games)
  2. Best record for the season (previous 15 games)
  3. Higher total points scored in head to head games between the tied teams (including any playoff games)
If the three tiebreakers do not produce a winner, the tie stands.
The season runs concurrent with the NFL regular season. Weeks 1-12 make up the regular season, with each team playing every other team once and one of the other teams in their division twice.

All 12 regular season games count toward the overall standings.

The two Division Champions advance to the playoffs. The two remaining teams with the best records, regardless of division, advance to the playoffs as wildcards. After those teams are determined, the remaining two teams with the highest points scored, regardless of division, advance to the playoffs as wildcards.

In cases where teams are tied in record, the following tie-breaking procedures are used:
  1. Highest points scored by active roster during the regular season
  2. Highest points scored by active roster in games played between the tied teams
  3. Highest total points scored by entire roster for the season
  4. Coin toss or mud wrestling
Round robin playoffs are held on Weeks 13-15. The playoff teams are seeded 1-6 based on points scored during the regular season. Each of the top three seeds plays each of the bottom three seeds using this schedule:
  • Week 13 - 1 vs 6 / 2 vs 5 / 3 vs 4
  • Week 14 - 1 vs 5 / 2 vs 4 / 3 vs 6
  • Week 15 - 1 vs 4 / 2 vs 6 / 3 vs 5
The two teams with the best records after the Round Robin will face each other in the Championship Game. In cases where teams are tied after the Round Robin, the following tie-breaking procedure will be used:
  1. Highest points scored for all three games
  2. Highest points scored during the regular season
  3. Highest points scored without using performance bonuses
  4. Coin toss or tobacco spitting contest
The #3 and #4 teams after the Round Robin play each other for 3rd and 4th, and the #5 and #6 teams play each other for 5th and 6th.

The teams that don't make the playoffs play for the not so coveted title of Toad of the League. Teams are seeded 1-6 based on points scored during the regular season and play a round robin in the same manner as the playoffs.
Legal Roster and Starting Lineup
Each team will maintain a legal roster at all times. A legal roster must have at minimum the players necessary to field a starting lineup.

The starting lineup is made up of:
  • 1 Quarterback (QB)
  • 1 Kicker (K)
  • 1 Running Back (RB)
  • 1 Wide Receiver (WR)
  • 1 Tight End (TE)
  • 3 Offensive Flex (RB/WR/TE)
  • 1 Team Defense/Special Teams (DST)
A team may also have up to a five man bench. Reserve spots may be used for players at any position, and/or Team Defense/Special Teams. There are no positional limits for the reserves.

Lineups are submitted at the CBS Sports web site. Each lineup spot can be changed up until five minutes before each player's game time. If circumstances prevent an owner from submitting changes at CBS Sports, they may be submitted by e-mail, or in writing directly to any of the Commissioners.

There will be absolutely, positively, unequivocally, no late lineups accepted. Save your sob story, the Commissioner will be completely uninterested.

Teams will be fined $10 each time a player in their starting lineup is on a bye.

MICHELLE RULE: NEVER contact the Commissioner's wife to submit a lineup, she couldn't give a shit.
Free Agent Bidding
Any player not on the roster of another team in the league is a free agent, and can be claimed by submitting a bid.

A player on the IR/PUP cannot be claimed.

A player under suspension by the NFL cannot be claimed.

Each team is allotted a $100 Free Agent Acquisition Budget (FAAB). Teams are not required to spend any money on free agents. The FAAB is for the entire season, if a team depletes their FAAB they cannot claim any more free agents.

Teams can claim a free agent at any time. The minimum bid is $1, the maximum is whatever that team has left in their FAAB. Bidding is in increments of $1. Some time late in the evening each Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday of each week, CBS Sports sorts out all free agent bids and awards free agents to the winning bidders.

Any claim placed after the deadline Saturday is for the following week. Free agents can be claimed during the playoffs.

For each player claimed a player must be released. A team can never have more than 14 players on their roster (IR/PUP/Suspended players are not counted against total).
Players can be traded freely between teams. Trades should be made using CBS Sports, and become official when a proposed trade is accepted. Trades can also be made by notifying the Commissioner, and those trades become official when all teams involved in the trade have reported the details to the Commissioner.

A trade can be withdrawn if all teams involved in the trade agree, and have notified the Commissioner within 24 hours.

All teams involved in the trade must have legal rosters when the trade is complete.

During the off season and during the draft, players can be traded for other players and/or draft picks. Teams cannot trade any draft picks that are in a round that they are retaining a player (exception: teams can trade draft order for the entire draft).

Future draft picks cannot be traded during the season.

Trades cannot involve cash, property, first born children, or any other considerations.

During the season no trades can be made after Wednesday of Week 10.
Prize Money
The prize pool is made up of all fees accrued during the course of the season (minus the League Administration Fee). This money is distributed at the end of the season as follows:

Prizes based on regular season performance (Weeks 1-12)
  • Division Champions: $100
Prizes based on full season performance (Weeks 1-16)
  • Best record: $100
  • Highest total points scored: $100
Prizes based on single game performance
  • Unluckiest Bastard (most points scored in a loss or tie): $25
  • Luckiest Bastard (lowest points scored in a win or tie): $25 fine
  • High Score each week: $20
  • All other winning team each week: $5
  • All tied teams each week: $2.50
  • Highest scoring player (non DST) each week: $5
Prizes based on finish in the playoffs
  • League Champion: 60%
  • 2nd place: 25%
  • 3rd place: 15%
  • 4th place: $100
All prizes based on a percentage are calculated after all of the guaranteed set amount prizes have been subtracted from the prize pool.
Injured Reserve
Only players who meet the following conditions can be placed on the GLFL IR:
  1. The player has been placed on the NFL IR or PUP (Physically Unable To Perform) List.
  2. The player was on a GLFL roster when he was injured and placed on the NFL IR or PUP List.
  3. The player has been suspended by the NFL (team suspensions do not count).

Any player activated from the IR or PUP by their NFL team, or reinstated by the NFL from suspension, must be activated by their GLFL team before that player's next game, or they will be released by the Commissioner.
Wagers Between Teams
Wagers between teams are acceptable, but are outside of the league. No money from wagers will be added to or subtracted from team accounts.
Final Words of Wisdom From the Commissioner
There are no provisions for adding or changing rules based on a vote of the owners. That is because this is a dictatorship. Potential rule changes are put out for discussion among the owners and the Commissioners make the final decisions. If this pisses you off, join a different league or start your own.

Collusion between two or more owners will not be tolerated! While it is difficult to prove that owners acted in concert to affect the outcome of a game or season, any owners that exhibit behavior that strongly points to such conduct will be kicked out of all Get a Life Sports leagues for life. The object is to compete and have a good time, and the conduct described above would certainly be contrary to that goal. Besides, it would mean that said owners are assholes, and we don't want assholes in our league. Don't even think about it!